Carla Ulbrich: Professional Smart Aleck

 
 

Leftovers

Carla Ulbrich
2009-06-01
Carla Ulbrich

Story

I saw no use for algebra until, during upon repeat viewing, I realized I could write an equation that calculated the lowest grade I could make on the upcoming test and still pass.

Lyrics

On the nth day of xmas my algebra teacher gave to me A second year in the same course On the nth day of xmas my algebra teacher gave to me 2 glazed eyes and a second year in the same course On the nth day of xmas my algebra teacher gave to me 3 paper cuts 2 glazed eyes and a second year in the same course let's get this over with shall we? On the nth day of xmas my algebra teacher gave to me 8 word problems: if x is the amount of interest I have in this topic and y is the number of uses I'll have for this in real life and the sum of x + y is less than or equal to zero, what is the point of this class? 7 dirty looks 6 worn erasers one negative number (my grade) 4 notes to parents 3 paper cuts 2 glazed eyes and a second year in the same course On the nth day of xmas my algebra teacher gave to me A 12 pound textbook A feeling greater than or equal to sheer frustration An undefined purpose 9 page exam 8 word problems: if x is my potential grade on the final and the final is worth 2 times as much as each of the other 5 tests and 2x plus the total of the other 5 tests divided by 7 is greater than or equal to 60, calculate the lowest grade you can make on the final and still pass the course. Finally! A real-life application for this stuff! 7 dirty looks 6 worn erasers one really low number (59) 4 notes to parents 3 paper cuts 2 glazed eyes and a second year in the same course And a second year in the same course 12/23/00 (edited 3/08) Carla Ulbrich

Carla Ulbrich & Bob Malone
2000-10-10
Carla Ulbrich and Bob Malone

Story

This song is on "Leftovers." WalMart sued my hometown (Clemson, SC) because they wanted to build in a neighborhood instead of a business district and we said "no." I stayed up all night writing these lyrics, and Bob wrote the music and gave me the word "Labotomy" (I asked him "what's something you'd never want to have?" That was his answer). We finished it 5 minutes before going on stage in Clemson.

Lyrics

12 miles to the East a Wal-Mart sets 12 miles to the North another one yet 12 miles to the South that's right you bet That's why I say we don't need a Wal-Mart We don't need a Wal-Mart I'd rather have trees and grass I'd rather have a hemherroid or an algebra class They got no scruples They got no class We don't need a Wal Mart They can kiss my butt So we said hey Wal-Mart We don't want you We won't rezone they said Oh yeah we'll sue┬Ł So now we got 3 lawyers all getting their due Thank you Wal-Mart, that's mighty neighborly of you We don't need a Wal-Mart in our community The best things in life aren't cheap they're free We could do without the pleasure of this kind of company We don't need a Wal-Mart in this locality A store so big you got to have a map Aisles and aisles of cheap imported crap It's what some folks like to call progress I call it proof that sometimes more is less Don't really have to think too hard About whether I want one in my backyard 118 towns already said no We'd also like to tell you where not to go We don't need a Wal-Mart We already got three How many big-ass ugly grey buildings with a red stripe do we really need I wish Sam was alive so he could hear me I'd say I'd rather have a frontal lobotomy than a Wal-Mart in front of me