Carla Ulbrich: Professional Smart Aleck

 
 

Live From Outer Space

If I Had the Copyright (The F Word Song Live/ Bleeped)

02:40
Carla Ulbrich
06/30/2005
Carla Ulbrich

Story

Steve Key and I were hanging around outside the Bluebird when someone (obviously not from Nashville proper) walked by conversing loudly and using the F word every few seconds. He said "If I had the copyright on taht word I'd be a rich man!" I busted out laughing and said that's a great idea! You gotta write a song about that! He told me it was the worst idea fora song he'd ever heard, which of course inspired me to no end. Later that evening I was "dining" at a greasy spoon with the Bluebird cook and afterwards, sitting in his car listening to bootlegs of Mose Allison at the Bluebird, and I told him about the song idea. He said "You can't write a song about that." After 2 such reactions, I was now so inspired, I wrote the song in the car on my drive home from Nashville.

Lyrics

If I Had the Copyright on the word ^%$%!

I'd say ---- this job and yourself you dumb ~~~~

No need for hard work and no need for luck

If I Had the Copyright on the word ^%$%!

 

It's filthy it's nasty unseemly and vile

That all may be true but it's so versatile

So often deleted this fine expletive

Is a verb a noun and an adjective

If I Had the Copyright on the word ^%$%!

I'd have no need for dad-gum dang darn shoot or shucks

No need for hard work and no need for luck

If I Had the Copyright on the word ^%$%!

 

Not a gasp not a sigh from my mouth would be heard

Nope just a cha-ching when I hear the F word

If people got jealous of all of my wealth

I'd tell them to copyright %$#*, $#@* and !$&*&$!

 

If I Had the Copyright on the word ^%$%!

It would roll off my tongue like water off a duck

4-letter word usages perfectly honed

I could retire on New York alone

 

Where the say #$^% the #$^%ing mother #$^%ers

I don't give a #$^%

If they can't #$^%ing take #$^%ing joke

then hey what the #$^%

The #$^%ers will #$^% you so don't get #$^%ed up

Quit #$^%in' around or you're gonna get #$^%ed

 

If I Had the Copyright on the word ^%$%!

I'd say *%&^% this job and yourself you dumb #^%$#

No need for hard work and no need for luck

If I Had the Copyright on the word ^%$%!