Carla Ulbrich: Professional Smart Aleck



Official Radio Release of "Totally Average Woman"

It's March 1, the official radio release date of "Totally Average Woman!"

Many of friends and crowdfunders- and a handful of DJs- already have copies of the CD.

It's time to let the rest of the world know about it!

What kind of CD is this?

Totally Average Woman has 5 funny original songs, 7 silly parodies and a ridiculous bonus track. Need tips on choosing a beverage? Traveling to China? Getting away from someone who won't stop talking? Why, this CD is practically a public service announcement!. Without all that boring useful info.

Featured Musicians:

Produced by Bob Malone and Steve Goodie, the album features the talents of Amy Engelhardt (The Bobs), Bob Malone (John Fogerty), Tim LeFebvre (Derek Trucks), Mike Baird (Journey, Hall and Oates, Donna Summer), Bob DeMarco (“Ellen,” “CSI,” “Extra”), and Chris Trujillo (Toto, South Park). The genres bend to fit the topic or (for parodies) to match the original song; folk, blues, swing and pop-rock (the common thread is humor).

Above Average Reviews!

“Enter the delightfully twisted musical mind of Carla Ulbrich through her new CD, Totally Average Woman. Ha! I detect nothing average about Carla’s high IQ songs. Her sharp, well-tuned humor inspires a melody of chuckles, guffaws, oh’s, ah’s, aha’s, or oh no’s, and you might hold your belly-laugh until your stomach becomes flat.” - Mara Noelle, KVMR-FM

"Perhaps the northeast's funniest interpreter of human foibles has given us another gift. “Aunt Flow Rag" rendered me helpless with laughter... May this review be an unofficial declaration of Carla's status as way above average?" - Richard Cuccaro, Acoustic Live!

"The wonderful thing about Carla's songs is that many of them portray truth about relationships, living, eating, etc. Fantastic!" - Jon Stein, Hootenanny Cafe, WTBQ

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Preview the entire CD here:

Airplay Direct – available March 1, 2016


FCC Warnings: There are a few “naughty” words (track 1, 2) but they have all been bleeped and there are naughty words in Mandarin Chinese (track 5) that are not bleeped.

Totally Average Track List:

1) Joe’s Ex-Girlfriends 2:08 (mid-tempo garage rock) Thanks, ladies, for lowering the bar! After all of you, Joe doesn’t even notice I’m clinically insane. FCC: one bleeped word (at 1:28)

2) Gotta Start Smokin’ 2:26 (mid-tempo 20s style swing) Smokers are rewarded with work breaks ("smokers' rights") while the non-smokers are stuck inside with no work break, picking up the slack. FCC: 2 bleeped words (at 1:44, 1:48)

3) Man Pants 1:06 (fast swing, parody of “American Bandstand”) Guys, we don’t need to see your underwear. You look silly. Pull up your pants. Some cities have passed “pants laws.”

4) If You’re Going to China 3:31 (mid-tempo Beatles- style acoustic rock) Short skit intro. Planning a kung fu trip to China, Joe was given 80 pages of advice, but didn’t have time to read it. I put it in song form. FCC: Swear words in actual Mandarin Chinese (background vocals) (1:23, 1:30, 1:44, 2:07, 2:15, 2:29)

5) Totally Average Woman 3:25 (slow blues shuffle) Blues guys are always singing about how mean or how fantastic their woman is. What about the average woman?

6) Cheek to Cheek 3:18 (uptempo jazz, parody of “Cheek to Cheek”) Liposuction, botox, lip injections- people are actually getting the fat sucked out of their behinds and injected into their faces.

7) Aunt Flow Rag 1:36 (uptempo swing) One woman’s PMS makes us all suffer.

8) Dr Pepper 1:18 (midtempo 70s pop, parody of “Be a Pepper”) At a conference lunch, the only thing to drink was Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper. Think I’ll just stay thirsty.

9) Ragnarok 2:05 (mid-tempo pop rock, parody of “Fraggle Rock”) skit + song about the Norse version of the apocalypse, featuring a “civilian” thrust into the world of gamers.

10) Break Away 2:46 (fast pop rock, parody of “Break Away”). Everything I think but can’t say when trapped by someone who won’t stop talking.

11) Needless Dissection 3:17 (slow 70’s ballad, parody of “Rainbow Connection”). A (gentle) diatribe on classroom animal dissection: traumatizing children and causing species extinction.Frogs populations around the world are in serious decline.

12) Swamp Thing 2:53 (slow 60s rock, parody of “Wild Thing”) There are too many unsung heroes in the comic book world- literally. As in they don’t have their own song.

13) Before Autotune 0:27 (many tempos, modern) Commentary on the overuse of pitch correction and other “studio magic” in the music industry.