Carla Ulbrich: Professional Smart Aleck


Professional Smart Aleck CD

The Wedgie

Carla Ulbrich
Carla Ulbrich


This was written on something of a dare. Or maybe a threat. I was at my first "song circle" in New Jersey, and they pass a hat around for folks to throw song topics into. Then 2 ideas are drawn for everyone to write on for next month's meeting. I was being an ass and I wrote "Wedgie" on a slip of paper, mostly to perturb Joe, who was sitting next to me and had inflicted me on these poor unsuspecting souls. Of course my topic was drawn from the hat and everyone was annoyed.l So I had to call in my finished song over the speaker phone the next month from back home.


It was a dark and stormy night There was no avoiding my destiny I tried to put up a fight But there was no escaping… the wedgie I’d rather get the rack I’d rather walk the plank Than have to re-live that vertical yank I live with the impending feeling of doom From that close encounter with the fruit of the loom The wedgie If I ever had a question I am sure now of what I believe The preacher was right when he said Sunday night It is better to give than receive The wedgie I thought I had almost forgotten the trauma Forgiven the people who’d done me so wrong Til my recent vacation the Sunny Bahamas And everyone there was wearing a thong! Flashbacks! Seizures! Heart Palpitations! An untimely end to my lovely vacation My friends Mike and Dan say they can’t understand Why I can’t put it all… behind me The wedgie I found a therapist in the field Many dollars and several months later We finally conclude it was my attitude Fear is great but a brave act is greater I would never adjust ‘til I did what I must And so nervous and frightened and edgy I approached my best friend reached out toward his rear end And with all of my might pulled to maximum height And I screamed out in triumph….. Wedgie!