This was written on something of a dare. Or maybe a threat. I was at my first "song circle" in New Jersey, and they pass a hat around for folks to throw song topics into. Then 2 ideas are drawn for everyone to write on for next month's meeting. I was being an ass and I wrote "Wedgie" on a slip of paper, mostly to perturb Joe, who was sitting next to me and had inflicted me on these poor unsuspecting souls. Of course my topic was drawn from the hat and everyone was annoyed.l So I had to call in my finished song over the speaker phone the next month from back home.
It was a dark and stormy night
There was no avoiding my destiny
I tried to put up a fight
But there was no escapingâ€¦ the wedgie
Iâ€™d rather get the rack Iâ€™d rather walk the plank
Than have to re-live that vertical yank
I live with the impending feeling of doom
From that close encounter with the fruit of the loom
If I ever had a question
I am sure now of what I believe
The preacher was right when he said Sunday night
It is better to give than receive
I thought I had almost forgotten the trauma
Forgiven the people whoâ€™d done me so wrong
Til my recent vacation the Sunny Bahamas
And everyone there was wearing a thong!
Flashbacks! Seizures! Heart Palpitations!
An untimely end to my lovely vacation
My friends Mike and Dan say they canâ€™t understand
Why I canâ€™t put it allâ€¦ behind me
I found a therapist in the field
Many dollars and several months later
We finally conclude it was my attitude
Fear is great but a brave act is greater
I would never adjust â€˜til I did what I must
And so nervous and frightened and edgy
I approached my best friend reached out toward his rear end
And with all of my might pulled to maximum height
And I screamed out in triumphâ€¦.. Wedgie!